Have you ever witnessed your ego playing mind games, like falsely caring using positive hopes?
Last year I submitted a book proposal to a publisher, and I was feeling very positive about my work from my expertise, and I was under a very exciting energy when I sent it. So, when I received an email saying that my book had made the first round and was now at the editorial department, I held on to that fact like if it was a buoy allowing me to continue to believe in this dream, to believe with positive hope, and this also became the light at the end of the tunnel I was crossing at that time. Not a life path tunnel, but more a tunnel I entered to make a project see the light on its own and be the ‘it’ I had been working for. And each little hope like that one I could hold on to, I did, and that made me very hopeful about this being the light at the end of that tunnel.
A few times when in doubts, I convinced myself that I was not to follow that ego-based emotion and that it was it, making a list of positive hopes to see that I was not making them up; a quick list of positive facts to hold on to in case of emergencies. What I did not know then is that my ego was controlling my attention on those making me feel I was stepping away from my ego (the doubts and self-doubts). That made me stir away a little from many other possibilities. I mean by this that I was following those hopes from an ego standpoint without knowing that I was.
So, I can tell you that it was an ego painful drop to read that my book was not chosen although I was understanding their choices, and it was making a lot of sense energy wise. I knew deep within myself that it was coming, my turn is coming, but not yet. But that emotional drop was so painful because it shook my belief in my intuitive skills for a short while.
So, later in the year I was not sure to submit it again when another window to submit was scheduled. One morning, I woke up and found myself on an inspired automatic pilot and updated the proposal from what I have learned business wise since then, and I also had a good hair day, so I started recording my sale’s pitch. And being guided from one thing to the other, I found myself sending this better book proposal. That time I was not feeling the same exciting energy. I was feeling Zen and positive but quiet. And I heard myself singing Que sera sera, because I knew I followed my Inner guidance but also knowing that there was a plan for this. I laugh telling myself Check it out, this time because I feel it will be what it will be, it will be chosen… because I don’t care.
Well, not because I did not care, but more because I did not “ego-care”. I knew my work was great. I knew my new proposal was way better and clear, and I did not want to get involved in the Universe’s part process of trying to stay hopeful. I let it go. I was ready to never hear from the publisher again since it was the same book as the first time. Only the proposal was different.
So, when the email few months later saying that everything looks great, among other very nice and positive details, and it now was in the hands of the Editorial department, I found myself being very Zen about it and not jumping from excitement at all. First, I told myself that I have learned from the first time and did not want to repeat the emotional experience, but it was more than that, so I meditated on it.
And for the first time I understood on a personal level a scripture about not following the false prophets, and although I knew it was related to our ego and not only to other people (‘s ego) like some are teaching, I clearly saw my ego being the false master in making me believe that holding to every little hopeful detail was good and a way for me to keep being positive and assertive about it and believing it would happen.
Well, what I suddenly saw was a pure clear ego game using wisdom and my vulnerability and desire, in making me hold on to the wrong thing instead of letting go and letting God. I saw my ego using my spirituality showing me that holding on to hope was how to go with it. I saw that holding on to all the bits of hope was an ego thing, because when you are hopeful and trust, you don’t need to hold on to each positive detail to remind yourself or to “keep believing” it. When you are hopeful and trust, you simply and truly let go because you know you have done your part and the Universe is doing its own part.
At the time I am writing this article, I am a few weeks of knowing which books are the chosen ones to be published this year, but the intention of this article is not about the book being published or not. I wanted to share how it became clear to me that even when our ego becomes our ally, it still finds ways to trick us into believing that it’s not interfering using spiritual disguises, making so important it is to understand our emotions and our why(s) behind our emotions on a mindfulness and spiritual journey.
What I love about this is I am helping people to lift up the ego veil so they can better collaborate with their Soul and reprogram their patterns on a subconscious level, and I love it when I am understanding deeper levels myself to help even more.
Today I am inviting you to take the time to assess your positive emotions when you are excited and hopeful about something. How is your belief about it? How do you keep yourself positive and hopeful? From trusting the Higher Consciousness in letting go knowing it is a done deal, or from your ego standpoint making you hold on to every little bit of hope you can get to remain positive about it when few clouds are crossing your sky?
Enjoy the process.
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